Milka Kamau
University of Texas Arlington
Life Review: MM Case
MM is a 74 year old African woman, living with her daughter in Farmers Branch Texas, United States. Born and raised in Nakuru, Kenya, MM is a first born in a family of nine siblings. During her childhood she lived with her parents and her four sisters and three brothers in Kiambu, a village in Kenya. She describes her childhood as a happy life. Even though they did not have much, her parents good and they ‘spoiled us” she said. She describes her dad to be a lenient disciplinarian and her mum to be the strict one. She was very close to all of them. She went to grade school and then high school, but got married shortly after high school. She said that education was not encouraged for the girl child in her society in those old days. Her and her husband had five girls and two boys.
She describes her married life as one of the most difficult period of her life. To make the matters worse, she says that her husband was violent and abusive. She was a housewife and fully depended on her husband for everything. Despite the abusive marriage, she decided to stay married for the sake of the kids and their educational needs. She knew if she left her husband, she would not be able to raise and educate her kids. Therefore, she divorced her husband after all her kids were grown and able to support themselves. She explains that she was devoted to bringing up her kids, despite the difficult marriage.
She and her husband lived on a farm, where they practiced agriculture. She used to work on the farm to grow food for her kids. She also kept some farm animals like chicken, goats and cows. She enjoyed working on the farm and continued with agriculture to get food for the family. Apart from her husband, she had no other close relative who could support financially. She explains that she lost her closest brother at the age of forty. This, she describes was a very difficult experience in her life. Despite the difficulties in life, she finds peace in God; and she is a spiritual person, who attends church regularly.
After divorcing her husband, she moved to the United States of America, to live with her oldest daughter, three years ago. She now has seven grandchildren between the age of two and twenty three years. She is proud to be a grandmother and loves taking care of her grandchildren. In addition, she has many friends of her age whom she visits often. She is planning to stay here for a while, but eventually going back to Kenya. I chose to interview her because we attend the same church and her daughter is a close friend of mine. When I asked her for an interview she was excited and she looked forward to.
Ordinarily, people remember to talk about bits of their life, but in life review they talk about life from childhood, through adolescence to adulthood. A life review is a planned and time-bound review where ordinary remembrance is described as a by the way (Scott & Debrew, 2009). Life review and ordinary memory seem to increase with age. This life review enabled MM to remember things that she would not have remembered in her ordinary day to day life. She laughed and smiled a lot as she narrated her life. She thanked me several times because of choosing to interview her. She mentioned severally that she never had an opportunity to narrate her entire life before. I noticed her mood was also changing when she was describing her different life experiences.
Life review enables nurses to better understand their patients, value them, and decrease any negative stereotypes they may have about older adults (Scott & Debrew, 2009). It promotes meaning and purpose to the older adults’ lives and to the nurses taking care of them. This review created a connection between me and her during the interview. She showed me the pictures of all her and grandchildren and explained where all of them were in life. She would also lighten up with confidence as she described her accomplishments, especially those that I agreed to. This created a connection between us as she narrated.
Life review has also been found to improve self-esteem in older adults (Scott & Debrew, 2009). Reviewing a person’s life also helps older adults to eliminate negative thoughts about themselves by allowing them to recognize their accomplishments and achievements. The review also helps people to cope with loss, guilt, conflict or defeat (Ernst, Marte, Pim & Filip, 2007). According to Ernst et al (2007), life review helps promote acceptance and reconciliation. Moreover, the review enables older adults to focus on their values they have acquired from the past and enhances their future plans (Ernst et al, 2007). Life review also helps individuals to focus on what they have learned in life and use the same techniques to overcome any difficulties in their current and future life.
Based on my life review with MM, on a score of 0 to 10 on attaining integrity, I would give her a score of 10. My reason for giving her a score of 10 is because she was able to talk about her failures and struggles without seeming to be overwhelmed. At the same time, she did not dwell on the failures and regrets in her life. Instead, she stated that the failures and the difficult moments were what made her who she is today. However, she regrets having been married at a young age and being in an abusive relationship for a long time. She states that this experience taught her lessons that she uses to counsel many young ladies that are contemplating early marriage.
According to Hearn, Saulnier, Staryer, Glenham, Koopman and Marcia (2012), integrated individuals can explain the main influences that formed their character. She says that she feels like she can handle anything that life throws at her, because she has grown stronger to withstand challenges. She stated that, “if life throws you lemons, you might as well make lemonade.” She explained that she devoted her life to bringing up her kids as the primary purpose. She is proud of her children who are all successful and are now taking care of her. She is also proud of having served the Lord since she was young up to this time. She explained how she volunteered in the church to serve other people, which made her feel like she contributed to their life in general.
Currently, she surrounds herself with her family and friends who are proud of her achievements. She stated that she has no fear of death because she knows that she has fulfilled her goal here on earth. In fact, she explained that even if dies, she is certain of going to heaven to be with the Lord. She stated that she values the aspects of quality life rather than the quantity of life. This is what makes her value a healthy life, rather than an affluent life. However, she added that if she was to be very sick, she would not like to live a life connected to machines just to be alive.
This interview was a very enlightening experience for me. I learned a lot from MM than I had expected before the interview. One thing that stood out is that it is good for one to realize one’s goal in life at an early age. Such a realization helps a person to devote more time to what is important, and avoid spending the young age to please others (Hearn et al, 2012). I also learned that it’s good for people to count each and every accomplishment in life, even though they might appear small or insignificant to other people. Those accomplishments give us a sense of meaning to life. According to Shellman (2006), such achievements also improve our self-esteem.
One thing that was very difficult to listen to was when, MM talked about her abusive marriage. It was difficult to listen her explain how abusive and violent her husband was in their marriage. Since MM was a housewife, she could not afford to bring up her kids on her own, a circumstance that forced her to stay in the abusive marriage. I felt sorry as she explained how she endured domestic violence for 30 years. However, I was able to use therapeutic communication, which improved the interview conversation. I realized how tough and selfless she is to be able to withstand that just for the sake of her kids.
As a professional nurse, I would encourage older adults to share their life experience from childhood to adulthood. I encourage them to share about their jobs and family life through storytelling. By doing so, they would remember their accomplishments, difficulties, failures and regrets in their life (Scott & Debrew, 2009). According to Hearn et al (2012), this memory helps people to find a meaning in life. Life review in this case helped me as a nurse, to understand the older adults that I take care of. Besides, life review for older adults has been found to improve self-esteem by integrating storytelling as an intervention between them and their past life experiences (Scott & Debrew, 2009). Therefore, nurses can be helpful by using life review to enable older adults feel satisfied with their achievements and gain self-esteem.
Moreover, life review also helps nurses to reflect about their own lives (Shellman, 2006). After my life review with MM, I started thinking about my legacy. In my own words, I would describe legacy to be what one is remembered about a person after he or she dies. Thinking about the legacy makes a person reflect on his or her entire life (Shellman, 2006).
When I think of a legacy, it makes me think about the life I have lived, the life I am living now and the life I want to live in the future. It makes me think of how I can touch other people’s lives with what I have learned in life so far. When I think about my legacy it makes me want to devote more time to what I believe will positively change the lives of other people. I have therefore taken courage to devote my life on what will enhance my spirituality, build my family, strengthen my relationships and improve other people’s lives.
References
Ernst, B., Marte R., Pim C., Filip S. (2007). The effects of reminiscence on psychological well-being in older adults: A meta-analysis. Aging & Mental Health, Vol. 11, Iss. 3, 2007
Hearn, S., Saulnier, G., Strayer, J., Glenham, M., Koopman, R., & Marcia, J. E. (2012). Between integrity and despair: Toward construct validation of Erikson’s eighth stage. Journal of Adult Development, 19(1), 1-20
Scott, K., & DeBrew, J. K. (2009). Helping older adults find meaning and purpose through storytelling. Journal of Gerontological Nursing, 35(12), 38-43.
Shellman, J. (2006). “Making a connection”: BSN students’ perceptions of their reminiscence experiences with older adults. The Journal of Nursing Education, 45 (12), 497-503.